Merry Christmas, Twins!

Well, I’ve been keeping an eye on you two, and it seems that this year you’ve been having problems traveling to and fro across the good ol’ US of A. Yes, I’ve heard about your ordeals at the airport and this year, and my elves and I have put together a gift package sure to end your woes!

(Unwrap Box)

Take a look at your new suitcase! Only the finest made from premium corrugated tree fibers! And a nifty logo to boot! This new suitcase will provide you with hours of travel usefulness. If it ever gets broken, use the special repair tape I’ve included with your new piece of luggage.

(Unwrap Gift #1 [Book: "Business Travel"])

I’ve included a book on how to travel. It provides helpful travel tips ESPECIALLY on how to pack and what to bring. Turn to Chapter 12 on page 54. Be sure to ask Lisa to help you with your travel plans and directions.

(Unwrap Gift #2 [Bomb-looking combination of items])

And just to demonstrate to you how efficiently you can pack, I’ve wrapped your spare bar of soap, with wires you can use to repair your laptop when you’re on-the-go, and a new alarm clock, just in case you forget yours.

(Unwrap Gift #3 [Aerosol spray with Bio-hazard warning label])

Have you ever been to a run-down motel? You’ll notice it can be full of nasty odors. I’ve especially concocted an aromatic spray that’s also a disinfectant, hence the bio-hazard label on the can. It’s quite deadly to microscopic nasal terrorists. In laymen’s terms, “bacteria”. Feel free to use it wherever malodorous vapours may be.

(Unwrap Gift #4 [Another bomb-looking thing - two plastic bottles at the center])

An ultra-portable pet carrier for your new rats, Osama and Omar! (I had an elf assigned to finding out their names, so if I got them wrong, please forgive me.) It comes complete with food and water. It’s not only a home a way from home, but can also be separated and joined together to make a play tube!

(Unwrap Gift #5 [Book: "The Koran", CD: "The Anarchist's Cookbook"])

And for those especially long flights, you always want a good read. So, I’ve included a copy of the Qur’an! There’s nothing like the teachings of Mohammed to keep your blood pumping. It’s great, so make sure to share it with others in your cabin. And if you prefer to read on your laptop, just pop in the enclosed CD and enjoy the fine vintage BBS text of the Anarchists’ Cookbook.

(Unwrap Gift #6 [Flour & Vanilla])

Finally, I know that you like to cook on your journeys so I’ve also given you a bag of flour and some vanilla extract. Oh! Some extra packing advice to go along with the bag of flour. It doesn’t mention it in the book I gave you, but if you sprinkle it liberally all over your packing items, it will prevent them from sticking to each other. Just make sure no one searches your belongings because this would look suspicious. And we wouldn’t want that now would we?

Santa